maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
