I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Send help, water and tortillas.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
