Pappa wants mamma naked
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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