I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
