9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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