it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
