Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
