Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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