If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
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I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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