Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
