Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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