I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
