But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
