Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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