have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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