first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
