Sponge bath it is.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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