This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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