kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
