Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
