it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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