just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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