Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
