people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
