I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
