Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
