Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
