How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
