4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
