i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
