just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
