yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
