I smell stomach acid.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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