I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
