Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.