it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?