I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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