is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
