if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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