So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
