There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
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In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
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Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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