Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
