I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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