You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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