he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
