I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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