well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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