so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
