Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
