did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
