i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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