I'm laying in your front yard are you home
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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