Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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