he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
