Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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