I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
