I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i wish my penis had a tongue
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
