i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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