Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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