He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Randomize
