he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
