Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
