he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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