Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
