mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
