she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.