at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
