I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
