Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
