I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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