She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
