I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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