What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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