Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
