I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
