oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
