there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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