Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
