Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
God, I missed his penis.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
