when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
