He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
